Why do all the new movies look so terrible?

If I’m wrong, tell me. Maybe this is just my cranky side coming out, but I used to go the theater to watch a movie every week.  Now I’m lucky if I go once a month, but it’s not for lack of trying.  Since hope springs eternal, every Friday I pull up Fandango on my web browser and take a look at what’s playing at my local multiplex.  Let’s do it now together:

  • Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. I saw the original Jurassic Park.  In 1993.  You know, eight years before the iPod was invented.  Eleven years before Donald Trump would star on the first episode of The Apprentice.  Glad to see Hollywood is keeping it fresh.
  • Tag: A (likely raunchy) buddy movie.  I’ll probably end up seeing this.  You will too.  This is a compromise movie—ie when you want to watch the new Nicholas Sparks weepie and your beau wants to watch Fast and Furious 804, you settle on a movie like Tag.  Neither one of you really wants to see it, but neither will you hate it with the fire of a thousand burning suns.
  • Incredibles 2: I’ll give this one a pass, as it’s a kid’s movie and therefore not my thing.  But by the time we get to Incredibles 10, this franchise will no longer be spared my wrath.
  • Hereditary: Horror films also aren’t my jam, so this gets a pass.  It gets points for not being a remake or sequel, as far as I can tell.
  • Ocean’s 8: What would you do if you had Ann Hathaway, Cate Blanchett, Sandra Bullock, and Helena Bonham Carter at your disposal? I can tell you I wouldn’t waste the combined acting firepower that garnered four Oscars and thirteen nominations on a female remake that even the trailer can’t make look any good.
  • Solo: A Star Wars StoryIt took ten films, but Star Wars finally has a bona fide bomb on its hands.
  • Overboard: Another remake.  This original is from 1987.  Not all remakes are terrible.  But any remake that replaces Goldie Hawn with Anna Faris is certainly trending in the wrong direction.  The least they could do is put Zac Efron in it.  I love me some Zac Efron.
  • Avengers: Infinity War: I probably have a post somewhere in the archives bemoaning the super hero movie.  These things breed like rabbits.  I used to love them.  But after 8 X-Men movies, 8 Batmans, 6 Spider Mans, and 18 Marvel Avengers universe movies, I’ve personally had enough.

These might all be great movies, but you wouldn’t know it from their trailers.

Where are the non-raunchy comedies? Is there a law against romantic comedies?  Give me a good costume drama.  A tear jerker.  Even something just a little offbeat.  To give credit where credit is due, I have seen some good stuff lately.  Book Club. The Greatest Showman.  Battle of the Sexes.  But mostly?  I just stay home and re-watch 13 Going on 30. Or The Lucky One. I told you, I love me some Zac Efron.

Is anyone else out there with me? Anyone?  Bueller?

And if you have seen something good lately, I’m begging you, please let me know in the comments!