
One of the best parts of living in Pittsburgh is access to the Carnegie Library System, a fine collection of over seventy libraries big and small in the city and surrounding suburbs. There are very few books of interest to the general reader that you can’t borrow from one of these libraries.
During the worst days of covid, the library rolled out a new policy that they’ve made permanent—no more due dates, no more library fines.
They’ve also wiped clean the slate of borrowers with previous fines.
So here’s the thing—I started writing this post from a curmudgeonly point of view. The original title was “I’m Fine With Library Fines.”
I was going to write that libraries are one of the best ideas mankind ever came up with. Modern libraries would’ve thrilled history’s great autodidacts. I’m willing to bet that Abraham Lincoln and Thomas Jefferson would’ve traded a few years of their lives in return for the scope and access to libraries that all Pittsburghers (and most Americans) enjoy today.
I was going to calculate the number of books I’d checked out over the past year and estimate the amount of money the library has saved me.
Then would come my big finish….with all these wonderful benefits, the least people could do is pay a quarter if they failed to return their books on time.
KIDS THESE DAYS, AM I RIGHT?
But then I did a little research on the library’s decision—turns out that fines aren’t a significant source of revenue, and that people are still returning the books in roughly the same amount of time as they did when they had assigned due dates. Patrons will still have to pay for lost or damaged books.
If someone requests the book you’ve got, then you’ll be given a suggested due date to return it, so you can’t hoard something that’s in high demand. Otherwise, it can stay in your home instead of unread on a shelf until you’re finished with it.
So basically the library eliminated a bureaucratic process of collecting fines that wasn’t making them any money and made things more convenient for patrons.
To complain about that just seems like the first step in a long slow slide into becoming one of those bitter old people who kvetch about how today’s soft kids never had to walk to school uphill both ways.
Even Lincoln would’ve told me to lighten up.
Vive la fine free library!
And I think I’ll keep those three biographies on Olivia de Havilland I checked out six months ago just a little bit longer…..
Wait, I’ve been requesting these books about Olivia de Haviland for five months now! Without fines, there’s no incentive for you to bring them back! Is this why that good man Andrew Carnegie came all the way over from Scotland to give you such nice things? Is it?
I’m not giving back Andrew Carnegie or my Olivia de Havilland stash and you can’t make me!
I doubt your local library will be impressed with you flaunting your rule-breaking in public! I fully intend to start a commission, the Andrew Carnegie Commission, and get to the bottom of this matter. It’s bad enough to hold onto books, but then to write about your own crime in a casual, gloating matter? Shame on you!
Yep, our library system started the no-fines policy a couple of months ago. Seems reasonable. I guess they have the studies that show it makes sense.
At first I thought it was just because nutty people berated them instead of paying. But it seems like it was really just a hassle for all involved.
To ; Melanie Novak
From Pittsburgh Library Incarceration Facilities
Ref Number 191983764647586867678395956266
NOTICE TO RETURN STOLEN BOOKS
We have noticed that you are publically boasting about stealing our library books. Please return them instantly or we’ll send the boys round and you’ll be sorry. Not fine.
YOU WILL HAVE TO PRY OLIVIA FROM MY COLD, DEAD HANDS!!!!!!!!!!
So where in the constitution does it say that you get to keep all the best library books without fear of social media embarrassment penalty? We have testimony that you LURCHED across the library counter and GRABBED these books in a desperate attempt to stay informed about Hollywood greats?
I yield them rest of my time to the gentlewoman from Wyoming.
personally I thinkk this counts as being ‘pesky’.
Nope.
faCt.
Is the correct answer.
I yield the rest of my time to fraggle, who just dropped the mic on you!
I may widen my investigation to include and potentially subpoena fraggle too.
This is an obvious WITCH HUNT. My people love me and will refuse to participate. Just try and put fraggle in JAIL, because I have already issued the PARDON.
And I paid you $600 a month for my Plantinum GOLD MAGA membership and my hat has not arrived? Where is it? And what about Hunter Biden’s laptop? Why isn’t there a kangaroo court to look into THAT? I’m beginning to wonder if you are FIT to lead this country!
Ha!
Right, a trial date has been set for April 2028. Will that give you enough time to fund-raise?
Yes, you use the collected library fines for funding…
See what I did there?
Very clever. Unfortunately I have deleted all the evidence, so I’ll need you to photograph your bank card for me, front and back, then we can resolve this matter quickly.
I should probably also send you my social security number, just to be safe….
And the deeds to your house, plus your passwords, just, as you say, to be safe…
I like that idea, but it costs me more to go to the library than it does to get a book so I have a lot on the old kindle. Special books I still get old school though.
Just return books! It’s a library!
I don’t have any!!
Over 24 hours since I write about Mr Gilmore from The Gilmore Girls.
No comment from Pittsburgh.
Why not, Melanie Novak?
How did I miss this?! Off to check it out….
There’s even a picture of him!